The Roast Of Tomoya Okazaki
by Mesousa2877
Summary: One shot. Humorous. Some of your beloved characters from licensed Sentai Filmworks anime have a roast for Clannad's main hero.


**Author's Note:**

Based by College Humor's roast shorts, I decided to make one of my own. Remember: if you don't have a sense of humor, best not to read this. I don't own any of these characters or the shows they're based on; they're owned primarily by the creators and licensed by Sentai Filmworks.

Laughter is heard from outside Sentai Filmworks headquarters with a sign outside that says "Roast of Tomoya Okazaki".

**Nagisa Furokawa**: (Laughing) You know, Tomoya, I love you, but you monologue so often, I actually thought you were being braindead for 10 minutes.

A large portion of the audience then laugh, including Adam Blade slapping his knee and Yuzuru Otonashi saying, "I'm guilty of that, as well!", while also laughing.

**Nagisa Furokawa**: I would say it's double standard, but it's bad enough, and ironic enough that Japanese marketers are allergic to men, and it's also the same gender pushing on the merchandizing.

A loud "OOOOOOOOH" is heard from the crowd as some of them laugh.

**Nagisa Furokawa**: Don't tell Riki Naoe that, though, we still can't tell what gender he or she is.

Riki is actually seen from the crowd laughing, although Rin Natsume looks a tad concerned nearby.

**Nagisa** **Furokawa**: And now, a self-fledged zombie killer so awesome that he's not even featured anywhere on the home release cover art, Takashi Komuro!

Takashi steps up to the podium while Nagisa leaves as he clears his throat.

**Takashi Komuro**: Give it up for Nagisa, who I'm pretty sure "accidentially" took another half shot of the booze. Surprised she didn't clingy onto the podium.

(Some laughter was heard)

**Takashi Komuro**: Let's see who's in the audience…oh, Rei, good 'ol Rei Miyamoto, my sorta on again off again…sort of kind of thing, but you know, there were actually fans who thought you were the main character, but instead realized you were like a Saw sequel protagonist, you got replaced by another and viewers just roll on by like a drive by.

(Laughter is heard as Rei is seen shrugging, but keeping in good sense of humor as she's smiling)

**Takashi Komuro**: Yuri Nakamura's here, too, say, I bet you must have been really surprised when you claimed the title of being "Haruhi-esque", which equals "you're not the real protagonist"!

Yuri is seen with a spittake as even Kanade, who is seen a couple of seats back and couldn't keep her usual silent act and hold her face to try to not chuckle.

**Takashi Komuro**: And poor, poor Akuto Sai, who, even as a Demon King, you can't even be good enough to get on the cover in a _show_ that has the Demon King title. Everyone, give him a hand…Fujiko's masturbating hand that is.

Loud laughter is heard as Akuto facepalms and sighs while Fujiko Etou says, "I concur, that…that was my stunt double…"

**Takashi Komuro**: Now prepare yourself to hear words form everyone's favorite dream demon, who gives a whole new meaning on the word "abdomen fanservice", Merry Nightmare!

Merry steps up to the podium as Takashi leaves.

**Merry Nightmare**: Thanks, Takashi, but as far as fanservice goes, my pelvis is so noticeable; I might as well have thrusted it as one of my attacks

(Loud laughter is heard)

**Merry Nightmare**: Ah, Tomoya, you know, if I wouldn't have known any better, Yumeji is basically a nerdier version of you, but at least he's giddy of _something_, unlike you, who I bet makes sarcastic comments even in sex.

A loud "OOOOOOH!" is heard from the crowd as loud laughter then gets heard.

**Merry Nightmare**: However, if there's one thing that you, Yuichi and Yukito have in common, is this: you all enter into some weird as hell supernatural stuff out there. I mean, call the Winchesters, they'd fix this in a matter of minutes!

(Some laughter is heard from the crowd)

**Merry Nightmare**: Next up, give it up for the girl who has a kick-ass spin-off series that every age is watching, yet SpongeBob is still more of a good influence for than she is cause she was on a TV-MA rated show, Keena Soga!

Keena steps up to the podium as she and Merry hi-five before Merry leaves.

**Keena Soga**: (Chuckles) Hey, at least I actually wear panties, Merry; as soon as people buy your show, they might stare that your disc art for too long.

Some laughter is heard from the crowd.

**Keena Soga**: (clears throat, takes a deep breath) Tomoya, fans have said that you're a chick magnet, but in reality, you're actually kind of a whore because you always help girls in their time of need to please them.

A few gasps and claps are heard as some girls even squeal from the audience.

**Keena Soga**: If you really think about it, the girls are the real pimps in this picture!

Laughter is heard from the audience.

**Keena Soga**: I can see it now; Nagisa with a fur-coated dress, Tomoyo being a female James Bond and Kotomi making dubstep. Hey, it can happen.

Kotomi is seen nodding rapidly as Tomoyo is heard saying, "I know I have a fan club, but no waaaaay."

**Keena Soga**: Finally, I would also like to say, Tomoya, good luck getting fangirls warming up for you—if we can locate them, that is. We're even trying Google Earth, and we _still_ can't get them!

Loud laughter is heard.

**Keena Soga**: Finally, everyone's favorite best friend—and apparently indestructible punching bag, Youhei Sunohara! (As she claps) Clap clap clap!

After a couple of seconds, nothing happens.

**Keena Soga**: (Clears throat) Sunohara! (Another couple of seconds pass by) Where's Sunohara?

Youhei Sunohara then slowly passes on the podium, as it turns out he's wearing a hoodie on him as Keena leaves with a concerned expression.

**Youhei Sunohara**: (In a low voice, being rather quiet) Hey.

The audience shows concern as they all mumble in confusion at what's going on.

**Nagisa Furokawa**: Oh…I forgot…

**Keena Soga**: Hm? What's up?

**Nagisa Furokawa**: He's currently in a bit of a "emo phase" since, well…he's never really gotten much respect.

**Merry Nightmare**: Isn't he a major fan favorite, though?

**Nagisa Furokawa**: Not to the creators…or animators…it kinda annoyed the heck outta him. Not to mention that he's indeed have had brain damage.

**Merry Nigthmare**: Yeah, I know he couldn't no-sell those attacks.

**Keena Soga**: Yeah, I never got his abuse either, that's just unsettling…

**Takashi Komuro**: Maybe it won't be as bad. Maybe we should hear him out.

**Youhei Sunohara**: (Sighs) Yeah, I'm not going to roast on anybody tonight. Whatever I say, or do, it'll just easily just piss people off and—screw it, that's all I want to say. I just wanna go home and just relax, oaky?

Kyou is seen standing, looking worried.

**Kyou Fujibashi**: H-hey, Sunohara, I know your fans have a major hate on me, but…will this make you and them feel better?

She then finds her trusty book and whacks herself in the face, causing her face to look a bit bruised.

**Ryou Fujibashi**: Um, sis, you don't have to…

**Kyou Fujibashi**: (Whacks herself a few more times, her face even more bruised and bleeding) No, it's okay…hey, Tomoyo, how about a couple of kicks to the face?

**Tomoyo Sakagami**: I wouldn't do that to another girl—

**Kyou Fujibashi**: DO IT, YOU MARY SUE!

A pause a occurs, and a split second passes before Tomoyo kicks the dog hell out of Kyou, calibrating up to combo of 10,000 hits, causing Kyou to be launched to the other side of the wall, heavily beaten up in comic fashion.

**Kyou Fujibashi**: (grunting) Also, my d-dub actress sucks ass…(faints)

Disc is seen clapping slowly, hoping others to join in, but to no avail.

**Disc**: She had it coming for 4 years! Am I really the only one ecstatic over this?! Fine…

**Tomoya Okazaki**: Wow, female slapstick between Clannad characters. Guess I'm in the Twilight Zone. Hey, Sunohara, how was that?

**Youhei Sunohara**: Don't even care still.

An uncomfortable pause occurs.

**Keena Soga**: So…who wants some Botan plushies?

Most of the audience shouts out, "We do, we do!"

END


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